Imagine all the things you could do if perfectionism didn’t hold you back.
You’ve always wanted to try ballroom dancing. But you’re afraid that you’ll look silly.
You’ve always wanted to write a novel. But you think that it will be a failure.
You’ve always wanted to manage a team. But you’re worried that you won’t be good at it.
Perfection doesn’t exist. So why do we continue striving for it? And why do we hold ourselves to such an impossible standard and let it get in the way of our happiness, potential, and well-being?
And it’s not just our dream goals and projects that suffer. Perfection can also get in the way of everyday, routine activities and turn them into a high-pressure situation. We over think our emails and correspondence. We worry about how we’ll appear to others. We fear that people won’t like us unless we’re absolutely perfect in every way.
But it is our need for perfection that will prevent us from taking risks and achieving growth. If you don’t make mistakes and fail, then you’ll never learn how to problem solve and innovate. If you don’t leave your comfort zone, then you’ll never have new experiences and meet new people who can enrich your life.
We falsely believe that being perfect will make us good employees, friends, and family members. But, in reality, our need for perfection can hinder our success and relationships. For instance, you could spend all week polishing a presentation, but your hard work won’t mean a thing if it doesn’t get delivered to your boss on time. Or you can devote your time and energy to pleasing everyone in your life, only to grow resentful and exhausted in the end.
Fortunately, there are simple and practical things you can do to manage your perfectionist tendencies. Below, we’ll take a look at the different ways that we can reduce our need for perfection, and give ourselves permission to try new things, fail, and embrace imperfection.
Why do we aim for perfection?
So if perfection is blocking our growth and potential, then why do we even aim for it in the first place?
- False beliefs. Growing up, you may have picked up on the idea that you had to be perfect or else you wouldn’t be loved or respected. You could’ve heard this from your parents, teachers, friends, social groups, etc. The important thing to remember is that these false beliefs are not grounded in truth or fact. They are just messages that were passed down to you.
- Fear. You might also cling to perfectionism out of fear that anything less than perfect will set you up for failure, criticism, or judgment.
- Self protection. Perfectionism is also a form of self-protection. It is easy to believe that as long as we’re perfect we’ll be loveable and safe. And even though we think that being perfect will protect us, our impossibly high standards are actually a form of sabotage, preventing us from seeking new opportunities and positive experiences.
How to stop being a perfectionist
Below are some exercises and strategies you can use to help you address and manage your perfectionist tendencies.
Combat perfectionism with sprints
Perfectionism and procrastination often go hand in hand. You might drag your heels on a task because you fear that you won’t be able to do it perfectly. A great way to beat procrastination is to use a timer and conduct a sprint.
So if you’re procrastinating on your screenplay, then set a timer for 15 minutes and write as much as you can. If you’re procrastinating on doing your taxes, then set a timer and work on it for that allotted amount of time. The time pressure will take your mind off of your high standards, and compel you to focus on the task.
Identify your priorities
As a perfectionist, you might view everything as a top priority and apply your high standards to every little task. But if everything is a priority then nothing is a priority.
Defining your priorities will help you discern what’s truly important and filter out the tasks that can be delayed, delegated, or ignored altogether.
You can then focus on your top priorities and give these tasks the time, attention, and energy they deserve.
To start, make a comprehensive list of all the things you have to do. Add deadlines and dates to get an idea of what’s urgent and what’s not. Remember: just because something is time sensitive doesn't necessarily mean that it’s important.
Next, ask yourself: is this task important to me or important to someone else? For example, do you really need to respond to all those emails about what to bring to the company party or can they wait? Also, see if the task can be delegated to someone else. Can a team member attend a meeting on your behalf? Can a family member organize the weekly dinner? Can you hire someone to create your website instead of tackling it yourself?
Then, identify your top three priorities for the day and week. These are the tasks that you would love to finish and would give you a big sense of accomplishment. Add these priorities to your planner and focus on accomplishing them throughout the week.
Respect the process
When we fall short of our high standards, we blame ourselves. We think we’re not smart enough or good enough or successful enough. In times like this, it’s important to realize that no one is born a business savant or writing prodigy or parenting genius.
Everyone makes mistakes–not only at the beginning stages but throughout their personal and professional journeys.
Maybe you’re frustrated that your new business isn’t taking off or that your first novel is taking so long to write or that you’re still struggling with public speaking. Take a moment to acknowledge that you’re new to this and that you’re not expected to be a pro right out of the gates.
You wouldn’t criticize a baby for learning how to walk and stumbling along the way, right? So why would you expect yourself to be phenomenal after taking one class or after your first attempt at something?
Respecting the process means coming from a place of humility. This means giving yourself permission to fail, and to accept that you are not impervious to failure, rejection, or mistakes. Respecting the process also means accepting that you may not be great now, but that with hard work and patience, you will improve and become even better over time.
Written by JiJi Lee
