What kind of stories are you telling yourself?
Our self-narratives and the way we talk to ourselves can hugely impact how we go about the world. If we tell ourselves that we are capable of success, then we enter social and professional situations carrying that belief. But if we tell ourselves that we are incapable of improving or doing well, then we’re likely to hold ourselves back.
You may have heard the terms “false scripts” or “self-limiting beliefs” or “iceberg beliefs.” These are all different ways to describe the stories we tell ourselves. For example, you may tell yourself that “you’re lazy” or “money doesn’t grow on trees,” without even realizing that you are playing these narratives on repeat. Our stories are so ingrained in our everyday thinking and habits that they can prevent us from pursuing personal and professional opportunities, and keep us from tapping into our potential.
Your stories do not have to define you. Ahead, we’ll take a look at different exercises and techniques you can use to identify your self-narratives and combat them. By learning how to flip the script, you will learn how to tell stories that are empowering, and more reflective of you and all that you are capable of.
Why we perpetuate false narratives about ourselves
So why do we tell false stories about ourselves in the first place?
Our self-narratives can be shaped by a multitude of influences. Everything from what your parents and friends taught you to the things you heard on TV or read in books, or even negative experiences you’ve had in the past, can impact the way we perceive ourselves.
For example, let’s say that a story you tell yourself is that you have to be perfect in order to be successful. Because of this mentality, you find yourself afraid to take risks at work or putting yourself up for big opportunities because you’re afraid of making mistakes in front of others.
You don’t have to be perfect. That is a belief that is not rooted in fact. You may have developed this belief because your parents only praised you when you got perfect test scores. Or maybe a teacher or authority figure overly criticized you and you took their criticism to mean that you weren’t good enough. Or it’s possible that it was all of these things that lead to the shaping of that limiting belief.
How to identify and combat your negative stories
For this exercise, you’ll want to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. So find a quiet spot and some time to get introspective.
To help you ease into this exercise, you might want to gather some supplies that will get you in a contemplative mindset.
- A candle to create a calm and soothing environment
- A notebook that you can write down all your thoughts in
- Pens and markers to help you express your feelings
- A cup of soothing tea
- A playlist of calming music
Start by taking note of any limiting beliefs or false stories you may have about yourself. Some common ones are “I’m not good enough” or “artists can’t make money” or “I’m lazy” or “I’m just not good at X.”
Pick one of these beliefs and start exploring to get to the root of the story. Were there people in your life who passed this belief onto you? For example, if your parents were struggling artists then you may have also inherited the belief that artists can’t make money. Or if you had a strict teacher who was overly critical of your work, you may have grown up believing you weren’t a good student.
Feel free to write in stream of consciousness and write down whatever comes up for you.
In the end, after examining these beliefs and where they came from, you may find that these beliefs no longer hold power over you. You may start to see them as self-developed stories and not ones that are grounded in fact or truth.
How to reverse the script
Now that you’ve started to identify your self-narratives and where they came from, it’s important to start consciously flipping the script.
Like any other habit, the stories we tell ourselves are often done unconsciously. So in order to reverse these stories, you need to consciously work on reframing them.
Be mindful of what you tell yourself
The next time you catch yourself thinking “I’m not good enough for that job” or “I can’t handle that” take a moment to stop and observe.
Don’t judge yourself for thinking these thoughts. The idea is not to criticize yourself but to simply be aware of these thoughts coming up, let them go, and then move on.
Use affirming statements
You can also combat limiting beliefs by introducing affirming statements or scripts. You’re replacing the old stories that were holding you back with new stories that are empowering and more reflective of your potential.
Example:
Old story: I’m bad with money.
New story: I’m good with finding new opportunities; I’m learning how to be better at managing my money.
While using affirming stories might feel awkward and just plain weird at first, the more you do it the more natural it will become. You’ll soon start to replace the self-limiting beliefs with encouraging ones.
Set goals for yourself
To help you get out of the habit of telling old stories about yourself, it will really help to take meaningful steps toward what you really want to do.
Setting goals can give you purpose, direction, and allow you to see what you are capable of.
For example, if you’ve always told yourself that you’re awkward around people, set a small goal to speak more often to friends and loved ones you trust. The confidence you gain from these interactions will then motivate you to strike up a conversation with a coworker or an acquaintance at a party. Your feelings of awkwardness won’t disappear overnight, but giving yourself these mini challenges can help you become more comfortable around others.
Make a list of small goals you can work on today, this week, and this month. Slowly and surely you will emerge out of your old patterns and into a life that encourages you to take risks, go for your goals, and fulfill your potential. You will discover that you are the sole author of your stories, that you get to design the life you want.
Written by JiJi Lee
