You get hit with a cold right before a beach vacation. Your youngest sprains their ankle on the first day of summer. Maybe you’re a caregiver for your elderly parents and one regular doctor’s appointment spirals into a much-needed surgery and ongoing, 24/7 care.
No matter what it is, sometimes it feels like it’s just one thing after another.
So, what do you do when life gets in the way?
We know that life happens. And for the most part, there’s really nothing we can do to prevent what happens in life.
But we can do things to help remedy the things that happen to us. In this piece, you’ll learn ways to roll with the challenges of life, even amid the most distracting and overwhelming events in life.
Here’s your step-by-step guide to resetting when life gets in the way.
Step 1: Sit with the thing that happened
The first step to dealing with life when it gets in the way is to acknowledge the thing that happened.
Whether it’s a family challenge, an injury or illness, or a hiccup at work, that “thing” that happened is a form of grief.
We all have a hope or want for how we want our lives to go. So, it’s only natural to be disappointed, upset, and even angry when something doesn’t go as planned.
In these moments of loss, the “just stay positive” might not be the message you want to hear. It can almost feel invalidating or dismissive to not acknowledge that the “thing that happened” as a loss, no matter how big or small the life event might be.
Give yourself permission to sit with it. Try to identify and name the emotions that you feel. You might even journal about it and try to put words to thoughts about how you’re feeling to cope with your stress.
Step 2: Identify what you need
Once you’ve had the time to process and sit with what you’re dealing with in life, it’s time to move onto what you need.
Let’s say you get sick with COVID-19 right before your big vacation you’ve been planning for months. Perhaps what you need most is to sit in a hot shower and acknowledge that you might need to reschedule your trip.
If you were laid off at work unexpectedly, you might need a few days to re-evaluate your career path and reflect on your career before jumping into a job search again.
If your kid sprains their ankle at the beginning of summer and no longer can attend a summer camp, you might identify that you need help while managing a full-time job. Maybe you identify the need for a sitter or a family member 3 days a week to help make sure you can keep the rest of your life on track.
No matter what it is, there’s a need associated with whatever in life happened.
Step 3: Shift your mindset and perspective to course correct
This is a tactic that won’t work well if you try to skip ahead to step 3 without going through steps 1 and 2.
After all, a mindset and perspective shift will only be beneficial if we’ve given ourselves a chance to grieve even the smallest of losses in the things that happen when life gets in the way.
Once you’re ready to address the challenge head-on, find the positives that can come of the “thing that happened.”
Let’s revisit some of those previous examples.
Perhaps that sprained ankle from your 8-year-old may provide some extra one-on-one time for lunch outings once or twice a week. Maybe that rescheduled beach vacation because of COVID-19 will mean you can now time that vacation with another big life milestone, like an anniversary or a birthday.
Or maybe getting laid off from your job prompts you to reflect on what you want for your career development—and you realize that you want to go back to school or revisit an abandoned career journey that you always meant to pursue.
The silver lining might be hidden, but the silver lining is there. It just takes a little bit of perspective to find it.
Step 4: Practice gratitude
When life gets in the way, it’s normal to be disappointed or heartbroken over any sort of loss you may experience. And while it’s OK to sit with your feelings and emotions associated with the “thing that happened,” it’s also important to practice gratitude.
Research suggests that a gratitude practice has physical, mental, and emotional health benefits. Use a gratitude journal to help capture the good things in your life that you can revisit. Sometimes, it helps to keep a list of things you’re grateful for on a reflection pad taped to your fridge or bathroom mirror as a helpful reminder.
When life gets in the way, it doesn’t mean that life as you know it has to stop. There are ways you can overcome the challenges of life in ways that can serve you and those around you.
Written by Madeline Miles